When Dr Scotchie walked in, I felt slightly less freaked out. I told her a short version of “here’s why I want to have this baby” and we talked for almost 45 minutes. I’m pretty sure I did most of the talking (shocking), but she said I was on the right track to be off the pill and tracking my period through the app. She asked me some background questions (about my period, any medical history issues, etc etc) and came to the decision that I probably wouldn’t need to go on any kind of fertility medication until we had tried a few times without any success. She said she didn’t have any clinical reasons to think I have fertility issues, and didn’t see any reason to start messing around with stuff until we had a need. I was surprised, but glad to hear that we would be trying it “the old fashioned way” to start – well, as “old fashioned” as this process can be.

She said I’d give some blood today for testing and then come back for what my friend who works there had already described as “day 3 testing” where they do some kind of x-ray or ultrasound (or something) within the first few days of your period. Then, 5-7 days after that, I would go for a scan at the Imaging Center where they’d check my Fallopian tubes and make sure everything appeared to be working. I’ll be more detailed when it happens. Right now all I know is that when I get my period, I’m supposed to call and they’ll set up an appointment right away.

Dr Scotchie said that some women take a while to get back to a “regular” cycle when they go off the pill, but the fact that I’d been all “ME-OW!” the other day right when my app told me I was ovulating seemed like I was on the right track quickly. She said we could start as soon as July trying to get me pregnant.

July. JULY?! I must not have a good poker face, because she laughed and was like “or just whenever you’re ready.”

When I told Dr Scotchie about my idea of putting together a blog, she seemed really excited. She was like “that would be awesome! We would love to have someone like you write a blog – there aren’t a lot of women out there telling this side of the story.” So, with that encouragement, I went right home and wrote out 4 pages.

Before I left, I asked her an important question “do you think I need to lose weight for this?” Now, I CrossFit (kinda). I am not a delicate flower. When the nurse put me on the scale she started at the 100 and I was like “oh, you’ll need to start at 150” – she looked surprised and said “surely not much more than that though” and I laughed as she pushed the scale up to 174lbs. Dr Scotchie looked at my paperwork and said “well, I mean, down the road, I’d love to see you at like 120 or 130?” To which I BURST into laughter. In fact, I laughed so hard, she started laughing with me. “No?” she asked, through our laughter. “No” I responded. I told her I’d been 120 in highschool and that at this point, I thought 140-150 would be a more reasonable weight to maintain. I said “I mean, damn, I bench press 120lbs, doesn’t that count for something?” She laughed and asked how many calories I ate each day. I said about 1,800 and then I’d go do crossfit each day. She nodded and said “Okay, so what about like 1,200 or so…?” Here comes the laughter again. She laughed back. I told her I’d be willing to try. She smiled and said “ok. Sounds good.”

I’ve spent my whole life struggling with being “too fat” – back when I was 115, 125, 135, 145, 155, 165, and 175. Last time I weighed this much, I was coming out of my second marriage and hadn’t exercised in years. Now, 2 years later, while I still wear a large in most things, I’m in better shape than I’ve ever been thanks to CrossFit and finally learning to like healthier food. Sure, I still love and devour carbs and fried food. But, I guess, I’m willing to do better – especially since it’ll be for someone other than me.