(that’s me and my little family – dad, me, and mom)

Knowing, deep in your heart, whether or not you want kids is a big deal. And it’s also a BIG deal that you follow that feeling. I know people who didn’t want kids, had them anyway, and everyone seems to be a lot less happy than they could be. I know people who didn’t want kids, made the hard decision (sometimes losing a relationship in the process), but feel firmly grounded and happy with their decision. I know people who want kids, and couldn’t have them, and fought like hell to make it happen. It’s a very personal decision – and I didn’t know until I KNEW.

A huge part of my life was when I was afforded the opportunity to be a step-mother to two boys during my second marriage. I fell in love with those kids and they were suddenly the only things that mattered in my world. Now, I know a lot of people feel like being a parent is a sacrifice – when some of my non-kid friends hear about my plans to be a single mom, they act like I’ll be missing out on so many things.

Being a step-parent taught me an invaluable lesson about “missing out.” The only way I can really explain it is by using this analogy: During every stage of your life, things seem VERY important. When you are a teenager, so many things seem VERY IMPORTANT. When you move into your early 20’s, you look back at what you thought was so important in your teens and shake your head – how silly I was then. When you get into your mid-to-late 20’s, you look back at what you thought was important in your early 20’s and sigh, realizing how much things have already changed. When you’re in your 30’s, you laugh at the things you used to think mattered.

None of this is to say those things were NOT important, then. But it’s to say that each stage of your life changes your priorities. When I was a step-mother, I realized how exciting and amazing and miraculous being a parent was, and how little other things mattered that I might be “giving up” to spend a morning at the soccer field, taking the kids to the aquarium, playing in the backyard, or talking at the dinner table about everyone’s day at school and work.

Things I would take over going on a lavish vacation, any day, hands down:

1. Watching a child learn to read – I was AMAZED at how quickly they went from looking at pictures and asking for someone to read, to laying sprawled out on the floor, reading through books before bed
2. Playing on the floor/in the yard/in the car – imagination in children is something I’ve spent too many years cluttering my brain up with “to do” lists to remember, and it was a blessing to see a child’s mind at work
3. Walking through a store with a wide eyed little one, even though there has to be a lot of “no” said
4. Helping a child learn – to swim, ride a bike, ride a horse, solve problems, do homework, kick a soccer ball, work on a project for school
5. Putting together Lego sets – you may realize you are in trouble when the books of directions are labeled “1 of 4”
6. Encourage a child to do things for themselves – explaining that the shower is like a car wash from Cars for people will do wonders in getting kids to work on their own

Realistically, this list could go on forever. And it will. I cannot wait to start from scratch with my own child and see all the changes and excitement.