Growing up as an only child, I didn’t spend much time around babies. I didn’t baby-sit as a job, in fact, I didn’t even read the Baby Sitter’s Club books because I assumed I didn’t relate to their lifestyle (at 10 or whenever you read those). So babies have always been like puppies to me – they’re really cute, but I didn’t know how to hold them or what to do with them. And they seemed so breakable that it wasn’t a “trial and error” kind of thing.

So in my twenties, kids seemed like a thing I might do – at some point. I got married to a sweet man with a big heart, broad shoulders, and an adorable grin that I’d dated through college when I was 24. After 3 years of marriage (and 5 years of dating), it became apparent that we weren’t a good fit, and we went our separate ways.

At 28, I figured I wanted kids but maybe it wasn’t for me. In my early 30’s, I met a man with two adorable sweet smart little boys and instantly fell in love (mostly with the kids). Interacting with the two boys as a step-mom broke my heart open in a way I’d never known possible, and I suddenly knew being a parent was the only thing I’d ever really cared about. We had a blast for 3 years before the marriage fell apart, but I wouldn’t trade those years for the world.

So when I found myself single again, I knew one thing – I was going to be a mother, because it was the first thing I’d ever really felt like I was good at and that seemed like it was all that mattered. I’m sure I’ll spend some time later describing that whole thing – lots of feelings, lots of words to say. And here I am, single at 34, about to embark on the biggest adventure I’ll ever have – parenthood.

For multiple reasons (which I will also discuss later, I’m sure), I’ve decided to go through artificial insemination and try to have a baby on my own.

When I first started talking about this (and I talk a lot), people had mixed reactions, of course. But the thing that surprised me most was how many people wanted to know about it. So how does that work? What does that mean? They would lean in, looking fascinated. At this point, I hadn’t even had my first appointment yet, so I didn’t have a lot of answers. But a friend later suggested that I put together a blog of my experience. First I thought “yeah right, no one wants to read about me!” But the more people reacted, the more I wondered. Do they? So when I went to my consultation, and mentioned it casually to my doctor, she seemed excited. She said she’d love for me to do that, and that she’d like to be involved. When I asked a handful of other people about it, they seemed excited and interested.

So here I am. It’ll be funny, it’ll be interesting, it’ll be boring, it’ll be exciting and it might be sad. But I’m in if you are.