I haven’t seen Frozen. I will, at some point, I’m sure. But I know there’s this song that everyone lost their minds over not too long ago – and it’s a good one for me right now.

There have been a few times in my life where I realized I was going in the wrong direction and had to Let It Go. The first was in college. I went to the University of Delaware in the Honors Program with an academic scholarship, because coming from the local private all girls high school, it was expected that you would leave and have a big adventure. Somewhere during my second semester, I realized I was depressed and miserable – skipping classes, sleeping all day. I spoke to my RA about it and she suggested something entirely foreign. She looked at me and shrugged “You know you can just go home, right?”

I blinked at her and said “No I can’t.” She nodded and said “Yeah, you can. You can just withdraw and go home. You’re miserable. You’re sleeping through all your classes. Why would you stay?” I thought about it, on her extra long twin sized college dorm bed. I knew some people left college and transferred back home, but me? No. That’s not the responsible thing to do. I couldn’t do that. And then something amazing happened – I realized I COULD do that. I could just go home. I called my dad and he said “I can be there next weekend – is that soon enough?”

The weight off my shoulders was amazing and freeing. I went home, went to the local college, got my undergrad and master’s degrees in accounting, and have been working in the field for the past 10 years and really enjoy it. I know, it’s shocking that people enjoy accounting, but it’s a true story.

The second time I realized I was going in the wrong direction was in my first marriage. We’d gone to marriage counseling for months and things weren’t getting better – we’d ended up in a pretty unhappy situation after 5 years of dating and 8 years together. New Year’s Day, I had a realization: “If I’m this unhappy after 3 years of marriage, how upset will I be 10 years down the road when I’ve got kids and trying to get out harms more than just us?” I had to Let It Go. It wasn’t easy, and it was sad to say goodbye to the life I thought we were going to have together, but the weight off my shoulders was considerable. I felt like a new person.

Both of these times, I felt strongly that I’d made the right decision – even if it wasn’t what some people would have done. Even if it wasn’t what I “should” have done. I don’t know where the “should” comes from in my head, but it’s always there.

The third time I realized I was going in the wrong direction was recently. Two years ago I was afforded an opportunity I couldn’t turn down – my office offered to pay for me to get my CPA certification. At the time, I was under the impression that if you weren’t getting promoted up at your job, you were failing. I decided, after 10 years in the accounting field of telling people I had no interest in this certification, it was an offer I shouldn’t refuse. So I rolled up my sleeves and started studying – I logged over 500 hours studying for the exams. I passed two sections right off the bat and thought “well, I guess this won’t be too bad.” But I struggled through every second. None of it was interesting – none of it was what I wanted to be doing with my time. But I knew that I should, so I did.

I’ve been told that in your early 30’s most people start to sit back and really decide what is important to them – not just what they think they should be doing.  Somewhere in there, I came to a realization that what I really wanted was to be a mother – not a manager, not a CFO, not a hard worker who logged extra hours and weekends to get ahead. I love my job and I love the company I work for – but if I was going to do something else, what I really wanted to do was teach. I’ve always liked explaining and walking people through processes – it’s what made Internal Audit a great option for me when I was getting bored with Financial Accounting.  

So, after 500 hours and 2 years, 2 exams passed, 2 exams failed (twice), and one about to expire, I’m going to Let It Go. I’m choosing to spend my time the way I want to spend it – working on this house, getting ready to be a mother, enjoying my life, friends, family and spare time. I’m choosing happiness. Maybe one day I’ll change my mind, and decide to go take these exams again. But for now, I’m going to Let It Go.