I’ve been doing something lately that I haven’t allowed myself to do regularly for a really long time – sit down and watch tv. Having been under the clock about the CPA exam for almost all of the past 2 years meant that any time I spent “doing nothing” was on some level of sin. So I’ve missed a lot of important television time, also nap time, also social events.

I’m excited to say that having my spare time back has been nice. It’s allowed me to unpack 85% of the house for the house warming weekend that starts tomorrow – there’s a spare bedroom that will be labeled as a danger zone as it is currently where I have put all of the “what am I going to do with this?” stuff.  In my television laden evenings, I’ve started watching New Girl on Netflix, which I think is already about 6 years old.

I’m shocked to say that I really like almost all of the episodes I’ve seen so far. But one episode really hit home, which I didn’t expect. During Season 2, there’s an episode called Eggs (S2:E9). The main character, Jess, finds out her friend is pregnant and gets really excited for her, but also finds out that eggs, generally, start to go south in women’s 30’s. Panicked, Jess and her best friend Cece take a test to see what their fertility levels look like.

Now, I think most women know that in your 20’s it’s much easier to get pregnant. I’ve heard that after 35, it’s a wasteland, but when I spoke to my doctor she said it really does depend on the person, but added the caveat that fertility levels do generally decrease. It’s very different, at this point, to suddenly have to be worried about the complications of becoming pregnant. I feel like I’ve spent the past 15 years so focused on NOT getting pregnant. It’s a big switch.

It’s interesting to watch Jess and Cece respond to the idea that they might not be able to have babies as they’d expected. Cece, of course, doesn’t seem concerned at all as she says “babies wreck you. they literally eat your body from the inside.” While Jess, on the other hand, wails in panic that she wants to be a mother but is in no place to do it yet. As in most sitcom tropes, it’s easy to figure out who has all the fertility and who has issues. But watching Jess panic feels familiar. What IF?

At this point, all I can do is try and see. Dr Scotchie and I meet on June 30th to go over all the tests that have been described so far as “looks good.” But that’s not much detail – so I’ll be interested to see what the specifics are.

Back to that fertility app (which I’ve been filling out daily), at the highest percent I’ve got a 27% chance of getting pregnant ONE DAY during each month. Generally, those don’t sound like great odds. Fingers crossed.