This week I’m taking ovulation tests to see when the big day should be for me to go and get inseminated. 

A reasonable human might wait until a day or two before she’s supposed to ovulate to start taking these tests. But, a planner such as myself might instead take them every day, all week, to avoid missing anything. 

So far, the Magic 8 Ball tells me to “try again later” and “outlook cloudy.” Having not done this before, I don’t want to MISS my window, but I wouldn’t be surprised if next time I just calm down and wait until the actual days it’s supposed to happen (not til at LEAST tomorrow) to start taking these tests.

At this point, it’s part of my morning ritual. Get up, pee in tiny shot glass, dip test strip in, get into the shower. Get out of the shower, look at test strip (2 pink lines = ovulation. 1 pink line = control is working. 1 + faint line is not a positive test.) Shrug when there’s only one line, throw away cup and strip in ever-growing weird pile of cups and strips in bathroom trash can.

So. Thanks, Magic 8 Ball. I’ll check it again tomorrow.