Another week, another set of doctor’s appointments. The Non-Stress Test went well again – her heart rate was up and down as she shuffled around and stayed mostly in the 140’s, which is apparently just right. Blood pressure, as usual, was questionable at the doctor’s office (they had to take it 3 times before it seemed passable), but I still hold strong to the fact that it’s FINE everywhere else. When I met with my doctor I decided it was time to ask some questions.

Do you think she’ll turn, since she’s breech now?

My doctor took a deep breath and leaned back. I said “what does your gut tell you about this whole thing?” and she proceeded to tell me. She said that my blood pressure constantly being high made her nervous, along with kiddo’s small size and low fluid. She said she didn’t think she’d turn. She said her gut told her that not only would she not turn, but that she probably wouldn’t go full term. She said she felt like it was pretty likely that I’d be having a C-section, and that she’d be early – which means NICU and preemie status. I asked for a timeline, an estimate, of course. She sighed and said she felt like probably 36 weeks.

But, she said, who knows. She said this little one might surprise everyone. This week on Thursday I’ll go to get her measured to see about growth, and that will be good to know.

She also asked me to start taking my blood pressure at home – in the mornings – and to call if it got too high. So far it’s been right around normal each time I’ve taken it and I’m going to be very excited to go in on Monday and show her my homework of normal ranges.  Maybe seeing some normal reads will make her feel more comfortable. Who knows.

Needless to say, I was pretty bummed out Monday night – so I checked in with a few friends, talked to my mom, and took it easy. Yesterday I found myself in an interesting situation – I was at a meeting with people I see on a monthly basis and people were asking “how’s the baby?” And I was telling them a shortened version – “Complicated. She’s little. She may be early. Who knows.” Most people reacted fine, but by the end of that story being repeated ten times (“when’s she due?” “who knows!? May? April? March!? Ha ha ha!”) I realized – oh hey, you know what, maybe people don’t want to hear this. So I smiled and started saying “Great! Good! Fine!”

I also decided that at some point this weekend, I’ll go buy some super cute Preemie outfits, just in case. Retail therapy can be helpful. Now, three days later, things seem less dire. Babies in the NICU that just need to fatten up usually do just fine (I’ve heard the term “feeders” used in the past for these kids) and apparently little girls are fighters far more than little boys. I’ve spoken to a friend who had her son in the NICU recently and we’ve talked about what she wished she’d known, etc. I know I have a team of people watching out for kiddo – and I’m lucky and glad to have them.

This past weekend I also had my first baby shower, which was a lot of fun and shockingly stressful (I’m apparently not accustomed to being the center of attention and had my first bout of social anxiety) – I’ll post a separate entry on that later when I get a few photos to add. And, of course, another one this week after the High Risk Appointment for a check in on growth. In the meantime, here are some adorable photos of size comparison of kiddo now: