Sunday marks the end of our first full weekend home. Gigi has moved out all of her stuff from staying this week and it’s a little sad to see her go. Not just because it means we’re on our own (sort of), but because the time we were able to spend together was so much fun and so good for all of us. 

People told me that my relationship with my mom would be forever changed after the baby came and I agree. We only made each other a little bit crazy here and there (WHY would you take the soap OUT of the shower?!?), and we had so many laughs and tears together. I’m glad she lives close by so she can drop by anytime.

It’s been raining almost every day we’ve been home so far, which is great because it helps us to nap and take it easy and not feel TOO much like we’re missing anything in the outside world. April showers will bring May flowers which I will watch from the windows and feel vaguely panicked about as my back yard turns into a lavish garden that will need more tending than I have time or patience for.

Kevin has been here all weekend and we’ve been feeling out what it’s like to be a little 3 person family. So far, it’s pretty great. I took the night shift last night for the first time, but he helped throughout the day, ran errands, and was (as always) a generally calming presence – which is great because I’m not always so good at that.

This little girl gets bigger every day. When she came home a week ago yesterday, she was barely eating 30ml of formula. Now she’s chowing down on 60ml every 3 hours if not more frequently.

Regarding breast feeding, I’ve been focusing mostly on pumping and feeding her from a bottle for a few different reasons.  For one, this way I know how much she’s eating. Feeding from the breast means she’d just eat until she was full and I’d never know how much she’s gotten. After the excitement of the NICU, I find my little notepad with it’s log of dirty diapers, milk consumed, and timing of last feedings to be comforting. Also, I need to be open to letting other people help me – I’m working on not doing EVERYTHING myself. Having the ability to hand Kevin or my mom or Kathryn a bottle and say “I’m going to shower/nap/make a sandwich” is amazing and smart – plus it allows other people to bond with her which I love. Along with some nightmare stories I’ve heard about kids who went from the breast to a sippy cup and refused to ever take a bottle, I’ll be going back to work in August and I’ll need to pump and bottle feed her then, so why not stick with what’s working? 

All that to be said, when I woke up last night at 2am totally worn out and she wanted to eat, I decided it was a great time to see if she’d latch onto me and just skip the bottle entirely. Ha ha ha. Well. That didn’t work, but my body got ALL excited and suddenly I was like a milk waterfall while trying to get this kid fed and myself hooked up to pump and not lose everything I’d made. It was ridiculous and hilarious and I laughed as I tried to get everything under control.

The thing I have noticed that is interesting is that no matter how long I sit and pump, I generally make almost exactly how much she’s eating at the time – 60ml-80ml right now. What amazing bodies we have. 

So that’s the news from here, we’ve got a big week coming up with my Aunt coming to stay during the week, photos to be taken on Monday, two week doctor appointment on Wednesday and lots of visitors planned to come by.